I’ve Had 3 Abortions and I’m Not a Ho

I’ve had 3 abortions. I live in Canada and I am grateful that financially, paying for them was never an issue. But I’ve emotionally paid for them. When I got my second, my entire experience from entering the building to leaving it was one of shame. Staff assumed I was a “fast black girl” and I was lectured on that before and after the procedure; at the time, I’d been with one partner for years and in my 20s. I had a white woman talk to me like I was a child about putting on a condom, complete with a demonstration. After that, when I had the 3rd one, I lied on my forms and said it was my first. I’ve told close friends about the first one but not the others. EVERY friend, family, or acquaintance in my life has talked about how one abortion can MAYBE be explained and accepted, but more than that, you’re a ho that deserves everyone’s judgment. I had a best friend who told me that at least I didn’t have 2 abortions like one of her family members and how disgusting she is for it. And even though I didn’t like her family member, I prayed for her that night because no one deserves that said about them. Yes, you can dislike someone and still not judge their choices! In reality, I‘m just a f***ing human being. I’ve made bad choices, and I’ve loved people more than myself at times. I got pregnant, knew I couldn’t take care of it as it deserved, and did what I had to do. That’s it! But because of the stigma, to this day, I deny the total number of abortions I’ve had because I know the judgment I’d get. Trust me, being a 40-year-old black woman with over 20 years of depression, I judge me more than anyone out there. But I will say that it made me even more empathetic than I already am. For any person suffering in silence at having more than one, I see you and there’s nothing wrong or ugly about what you did. You’re brave.